tran·si·tion
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1.the process or a period of changing from one state or condition to another.
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1.undergo or cause to undergo a process or period of transition.
I think of movement when I think of transition. In horse riding terms, transition is a very powerful concept as it can involve changing speed/tempo, terrain, stride length, gaits, etc. I’ve been thinking a lot on both subjects for a few weeks, now, and movement for me, in this season, looks more like trying to embrace Tai Chi when you’ve been more accustomed to flamenco dancing. I’ve needed to start transitioning down, taking a breath, or two, or ten.
I have the opportunity to purchase my first horse, ever. It is strange for me to even write that because I’ve ridden horses for over 30 years. It’s just that all of these horses I’ve ridden have always been someone else’s horses; my parents’, my boss’s, my trainer’s, my friends’… But finally, here’s one for my very own. I’ve prayed and waited a very long time for this. I’ve cried many tears, I’ve studied many hours, read lots of books, even taken college courses, and I’ve ridden so. many. other. people’s horses, but now it’s my turn. Or so, I hope.
See, I can’t even relax a half second until the check is sent, clears, the vet gives the okay, and that horse is delivered to the nearby barn, safely. And I’ve been asking my poor husband no less than 100 times a week if the horse is really coming, or not? It’s been like this for weeks, but the arrival date is upon us. The horse is scheduled to arrive next month, and I have made a choice to stop this nonsense of worrying.
Yeah, just like that, easy-peasy.
If you were the unseen universe, and you observed me from a short distance while worrying about this horse, you’d probably think to your universe-self, “She doesn’t seem ready for this. She’s really uptight about this horse coming. Maybe we should wait for another time, when she’s ready, and less fearful.” And I would want to punch you in your unseen-universe-face because I AM READY, I’m just neurotic, and you should know this! *sigh*
And I know that the worrying is just a form of fear and a product of wanting control. I know, because I’ve had the rug pulled out from underneath me enough times to make this warrior princess feel helpless and terrified at the thought of losing her most precious dream…
And it is, it is the desire of my heart to ride horses and train them up into powerful steeds that can handle anything; jumping tall fences, wide ditches, galloping bravely through fields, delicately moving with rhythm and balance, cadence and elasticity. I want the dirt and the grime and the long hours and the glory of just one concept learned at a time. I want the smell of hay, sweet feed, dust and leather, sweat and sunshine. I want to hear the footfalls, the whinnies, the champ on the bit, the wind in my face. *sigh*
And that leads me to the fork in the road I affectionately call, “transition”. I get to choose the path; the path of worry and fear, or the path of peace, love and trust. Why is this even a question? Love, trust… peace? Sign me up! Oh, I have to hand over the worry, the illusive feeling of control? Yes. I’ll hand it over. *hangs head*
Yeah, I’ll hand the worry over today, or maybe just for this hour… and then I find myself choosing again. And so it goes, sometimes, and I won’t beat myself up over it. It’s been revealing, this situation, that I still hold on to my own strength, when letting go and trusting would be so. much. better. There’s really something to grace and ease and attraction. So, I am in transition. And truly, there have been a succession of days where I wasn’t worrying, and the peace was lovely, and then I get hit with a thought; what if an emergency comes up and we can’t send the check? What if the stock market crashes and… or a HIGH ALTITUDE EMP HITS THE US and all the trucks are immobile?!! I, I can’t make this stuff up, but I guess I do. I actually deal with these kinds of unreasonable thoughts. But I do not have a God unable to empathize with my weaknesses. He has been tempted in every way, even in worry, just as I am now. There is always help, a way of escape. And I can think of no better way to evade the traps of fear than to transition into a mind of gratitude. And so it is.
Lord, thank you for a keen mind and a soft heart. I thank You for the gift of life and freedom in You. I am grateful that I am never alone, and that You always provide a way to defeat the fear and doubt in my life. Thank you for giving me the desires of my heart, all in Your perfect timing. Thank you that I can live in peace as I look to You, instead of my circumstances. Keep me in Your perfect peace. Amen.
Lori Carden 